While it’s common to think that the betrayal of a family member, partner, friend or coworker impacts us personally, here are seven ways an unhealed betrayal is impacting your business:
1. Confidence- A betrayal shatters our confidence. One minute we can feel safe and secure, then a painful discovery of betrayal can shatter that sense of safety in an instant. Think about how that impacts your business. If confidence is shattered, how comfortable are you asking for the sale, asking for the raise, introducing yourself at a networking event, or making that call to someone you’re hoping to collaborate with? Confidence is crucial in business and without it, it’s extremely challenging to convey your message in the way you want it to come across.
2. Health- An unhealed betrayal dramatically impacts your health and level of energy. Once the stress response is ignited from this type of pain, you’re headed for just about every stress-related symptom, condition, illness, even disease. Some of the most common symptoms left in the wake of a betrayal? Digestive issues, extreme exhaustion, brain fog, mental confusion, insomnia, anxiety, sadness, anger, and depression…to name a few. Managing these symptoms, while managing your business (in addition to other responsibilities you may have such as raising children, running a household, taking care of elderly parents, etc.) can make running a thriving business near impossible.
3. Body- One of the most common physical symptoms of an unhealed betrayal is weight changes. Immediately after the painful discovery of betrayal from a family member, partner, friend, or coworker, for example, it may be impossible to keep food down. Soon after, it’s extremely common to use food as a way to soothe, calm, numb, and relax as a way to self-medicate from the pain betrayal can cause. The stress alone can drive fat storage-particularly around your mid-section. So, think about doing videos, speaking, networking, or any other aspect of your business that requires you to be seen. Not feeling comfortable in your own skin means you’re not putting yourself out there the way you need to and is affecting the number of people who know about you and what you do.
4. Self-esteem- A betrayal shatters our self-esteem along with our sense of worthiness. Because betrayal feels so intentional, we take it so personally, so this direct hit has us questioning our very worth. Now imagine how that impacts your business. If you don’t feel a profound sense of worthiness; it shows in the way you speak and communicate who you are and what you do. And, if you don’t believe in yourself, how can anyone else? This directly impacts how many people are convinced that who you are and what you do will help them in the way they need. Without your own conviction, how can anyone else feel convinced you can help them?
5. Ability to trust- One of the most profound implications of a betrayal is the shattering of trust. After we’ve been betrayed, we don’t trust in others and we hardly trust ourselves. We question ourselves asking: “How did I not know this?” “How could I be so blind?” “How did I not see this coming?” When we don’t trust ourselves, we don’t trust our decisions or our own judgment. This makes it challenging to know if we’re making healthy or unhealthy business decisions. We also lose our trust in others so we’re afraid to be a team player, do joint venture and collaborative projects as we question: “If the person I trusted the most proved untrustworthy, how can I trust someone I don’t know nearly as well?”
6. Beliefs- Your belief system is formed by the repetition of something someone said enough times that you eventually believed it. It doesn’t make it right, it doesn’t make it true, but it makes it your belief. If you’ve been betrayed, the spoken or unspoken message often leaves us with the belief that we’re not valued enough, capable enough, lovable enough…just plain, enough. Since we have between 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts per day with approximately 80% of those thoughts being negative, imagine how a negative belief system is affecting you. From the thoughts you think to the actions you take if you’re belief system has you feeling you’re unworthy, undeserving, or lacking in some way, how is that impacting the way you speak with prospects or the way you’re getting your message out to others?
7. Finances- When you add up all of the ways an unhealed betrayal impacts you physically, mentally, and emotionally, it’s easy to see how it affects just about every area of life. It impacts your performance, your ability to convey your message with conviction and confidence, the energy you have to convey that message, and ultimately, your finances. Sure, it may drive you to “show them” as you dive into your work in order to create financial abundance but when the soil that desire is birthed from is negative, the satisfaction is short-lived.
Dr. Debi Silber, Psychologist, Author, Award-Winning Speaker, and Personal Development Expert.
Dr. Debi Silber is the founder of the Post Betrayal Transformation Institute and is a holistic psychologist, health, mindset, and personal development expert, the author of the #1 bestselling book: The Unshakable Woman: 4 Steps to Rebuilding Your Body, Mind, and Life After a Life Crisis and the forthcoming book: Trust Again. Her recent Ph.D. study on how we experience betrayal made 3 groundbreaking discoveries that change how long it takes to heal.